Thursday, January 28, 2010

Life Throws You for a Loop then Brings You 'Round Again

Last time I came on here, I was having a less than wonderful weekend in many respects. I was frustrated with how people I love were treating me, and how I was forced to respond (or not) to them. And honestly, some of those areas are still sensitive and need some work and TLC. But at least, the couple of them who chose to not be on speaking terms with me were again starting a couple days ago. Good thing!

Also, I haven't worked out as much in the time between last Saturday and now. However, that was not all a choice because I had appointments and other things to attend to. I did get a great workout in on Sunday, for about 1 hour and 45 minutes. Then an hour on Tuesday. And I'm considering going to the gym for a while this afternoon, if I can fit it in between a couple of errands I really need to run. I would like the chance to work out stress and all the bad stuff that accompanies negative stress . . . . and to just have time to "myself" to think and exercise at once.

Still, I am working very hard on keeping my self-discipline up and keeping myself in my very own bootcamp. I need to stick with the working out. And the self-improvement. And I want to! Really!!! I want everything in my life to improve . . . . everything. And I'm willing to do what I have to in order to make that happen . . . .even when it means more pain.

So, hope you all are doing great out there in cyberspace! If you ever feel like leaving a comment to tell me you've been in my situation or you just want to encourage me or something, please do so!!

Have a great weekend if I don't get to drop in here again between now and then . . . .

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sometimes Life Throws You for a Loop . . . .

Hello fellow bloggers and blog-followers! Okay, forgive me if I'm totally "out-there" in how I write or salute anyone who just might dare to read this blog must understand, I am VERY new at this. LOL

So, in the past week I've had my share of challenges, confusion, heartache, frustration, pain, and even some depression. Am I writing this to make you feel sorry for me? That could be part of it. Most of us savor sympathy. Hey, it pays to be honest, right? Although I must say, often times, honesty really hurts.

Anyhow, like I said, the past week has been filled with trials. Some new. Right now, while I'm very happy with where I am in my fitness/exercise goals (I'm still working on bettering my diet but the time at the gym is above par!), I am not so thrilled with where I find myself in a couple other areas. I say "find" myself, because honestly, I don't know exactly how I got there. And I don't think a lot of it's fair. And I don't think people I love should try to "manipulate" me or my feelings/responses/behavior by treating me in a not-so-loving-fashion. Life's not fair. I know. How many times has that been proffered to me and COMPLETELY set me off?

Here's how it stands right now . . . . I am doing great in my time spent alone (time reading, pausing to think and be quiet), time spent working out, time talking and trying to reconnect with a couple of girl friends and I tried to reconnect with my family . . . . and guess what. It's NOT working. The only thing I can ascertain (because at this moment one for sure and perhaps two of them are just NOT on speaking terms with me, their choice) is that they finally decided they were "fed up" with me for whatever various reasons they may have, and so now they are attempting (whether or not they even realize they are doing this is a moot point) to manipulate me into crawling my way back into their lives and their good favor or something like that. And I'm just not willing to do that when I've repeatedly stated the truth about myself, my actions, my words, my intentions and I've even apologized and said I was/am working on actively doing better in all areas of my life. Because why should I have to crawl along like some lowly snake in the grass? That's not fair to me. And it's not healthy for our relationship(s).

Has anyone been here before? Surely others have. I haven't faced it in this severity or manner before in my life from those I love most. And what really stings, is that I am pretty much in the dark for their reasoning behind treating me like this so severely, unkindly, and inconsiderately. Seriously!!! I honestly am not sure what to do beside whatever I have been doing and am doing now . . . . spending time alone, reading and writing out my thoughts/anxieties/hurts through journalling, working out to relieve stress and increase feel-good hormones, working on my areas I was working on before, trying to get into contact with a good friend or two that I can simply talk with in the absence of the fear of "saying the wrong thing" or "being my usual awful self" that everyone seems to think I am right now . . . . and just not saying anything to those who are choosing to shut me out and not communicate. Because I've tried communicating in a humble, honest, vulnerable and kind way and they shunned me. I honestly don't know what else I can do beside just let them go and wait for them to come back around.

This all cuts to the heart of me and that's no exaggeration. It's plain awful. And confusing. I'm just praying things will improve quickly and I will not contribute to the situation worsening and I'm hoping I'll grow somehow through all of this.

Anyway, I vented now. Maybe, if you're in a similar situation or you are going to be in the near future, this post will somehow help you. I hope so. Have a good day . . . . I'm going to try to make mine as good as I can, starting with making it just bearable.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Physical Challenge . . . .

I had a great weekend. I ended up going on a physically challenging, 2+ hour long hike and that was FUN!!! No, really, it was fun. It was also EXHAUSTING. Lol By the time I got to the base of the mountain, my legs and feet and ankles and EVERY other fiber of my being felt so tired!!! And I slept HARD that night. Still felt tired today. hahaha But, I also still went to the gym for more than an hour and 20 minutes of working out!!! I was so happy with myself!!! ;) Spent 35 minutes steadily cycling with a fair amount of resistance, then 10 minutes doing a fast elliptical-relative, and then the rest of the time weight lifting/bench pressing for my upper body and doing I don't even know HOW many sit-ups!!! Yahoo!!!

As I write this, I feel utterly tired with a huge distaste for doing anything that requires standing and using energy . . . . and yet I have lots to do about my place. I already cleaned my shower after getting home, but there are dishes to be loaded into the washer and others to be hand-washed, a soup to cook up (planning on a squash soup) AFTER I have to go down the road to the grocery to get a few missing ingredients (and I SO do not want to have to get out again tonight!!!), and of course, time spent reading something inspirational/spiritual and SLEEP. I totally, absolutely, inarguably need SLEEP . . . . big time!!!! I felt so tired today!!!

Anyhow, just had to post and share that I'm still working on the physical exercise, even on the weekend when one should "take a break," I was out climbing mountains. haha

Hope you are happy with where you are in the progress you're making toward achieving healthy goals and a healthier lifestyle! Talk to you later!! :)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Under Construction . . .

I know. I didn't post every day this past week. I am sorry. I wanted to! I had the best intentions, but I have come to the very realistic realization that I just may not get the time to post each and every day. And you know what, that's all right. Really. I just want to frequent my blog somewhat often, and that should be perfectly fine. After all, I have several areas in my life that are currently under construction, as briefly mentioned in the first post . . . .

One of which is my weight loss goal. Yes, I set a "goal" to lose weight. In pounds. Usually, I used to just tell myself to lose weight, and see the difference in how my clothes fit (or not). And that is still a great way to measure weight loss, in my humble opinion! But, I set an exact "amount" because 10-15 lbs was what my physician suggested I attempt to aim toward losing within the two months of January and February of this year. Yeah. Sound like a lot? It does sometimes to me.

But . . . . *drumroll* last I weighed, it appeared I had LOST 3 lbs already!!! I was (am) sooooooo thrilled!!!!!!!! *somersaults* Except, I can't do somersaults all that well now. haha However, I have been working out at the gym (and I mean working out -- as in personal bootcamp people!! I am SO SORE!!!!!), and I am ecstatic that I held myself to working out EVERY single night since a week ago, with the exception of Saturday. I even took a walk on Sunday, for nearly 35 minutes, so I'm sure that counts as working out. Yahoo!!!!!!! :-D

My other goal is . . . . along the lines of self-improvement in the psychological/mental/spiritual arena. Yes, I have a spirit, and a soul, and emotions, and a psyche. So, I need to improve in those areas. And I'm doing a few things to help myself . . . . one of which is reading larger quantities of inspirational and motivational material. It's great! The other part is, in cooperation with physical exercise, just listening to "me" and my body and "my" needs more than I have for the past 6-9 months or longer . . . . because I was losing "me." And that's not good. It DOES feel great to slowly but surely be getting "me" back!!!

So, that's the latest from this Dove of Snow. Just wanted to drop in and update and say, that whatever you're working on to improve your quality of life or the quality of living for people around you. . . . . kudos to you. Keep up the good work. Don't give up or give in!!!! If I can do this, you can TOO!!!!! :-) Talk to you all later, friends. I'm off to dreamland for the other physical benefit that's supposed to be just as important as exercise, practically . . . SLEEP. zzzzzz's

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Three I's and My First Blog . . . and Post!

So, I don't know where to start with this. Really.

I wanted to start a blog on a sort of "whim," so to speak. I began to think of it in the car on my drive home tonight. Of the changes in my life as of late, of the challenges I'm facing, of how it would be inspirational and motivational to myself to share some of what I'm going through with others. . . . in the hope that what I'm dealing with will somehow assist them.

I want to be completely "anonymous," and yet, I want to be there for someone(s) who is going through the same things I'm going through. Or who could find what I would want to blog about at least moderately interesting, perhaps peppering in a little insightfulness and inspiration along the way . . . .

There you have it. The Three I's. Not what you expected when you read the label for this post, right? Well, I didn't expect it either, honestly. I'm a writer by nature. But in all honesty, I think I can place myself amongst the majority of real writers who would tell you . . . you don't write the stories. You don't write the poems. They write themselves. Sound spooky? Well, fact is stranger than fiction, of that I'm sure. And my life is a fact. And there are elements in my life that I would consider "stranger" than most fiction I've yet read . . . although I don't want to imply it's all "bad." Because this young lady is grateful for all the good she has in her life . . .

She's just struggling with some areas that currently aren't so good. That are being evaluated by herself and sometimes, it hurts. She needs someone to listen to her and someone she can share with. And she's writing all of this in third person. Hmmm.

Signing off for now, this girl is just a tad tired and a tad off! But terribly excited about starting her very own, FIRST blog!!!! yippeeeee!!!!!!! :)