Have you ever had a situation in your life that made you want to run and hide and recoil from any human contact, simply because you had been so severely wounded on a repeated basis by someone you used to trust and love? Then you will likely be able to understand some of what I have dealt with for a while now.
How am I to love . . . and love again? I have asked myself this many times. It's not that I do not desire to love the person who has repeatedly wronged or wounded me. On the contrary, I want to love them and make that love an obvious, every day thing. But they will not allow it.
Perhaps you are thinking, "Not allow it? What could that mean? A person cannot possibly disallow someone from loving them, can they?" Unfortunately, it seems they can. Now I want to clarify: I do not mean that, in choosing to not be around this person and to instead love them from a necessary distance, that they are not loved at all. What I mean is, you can try and try to love another all you want until you have reached the end of your rope . . . until you cannot possibly stretch out toward them any father for fear of falling off the precipice yourself, but it doesn't guarantee that they will feel loved. It doesn't guarantee that they will know love. Even real, genuine, godly love straight from your sincere heart, from every fiber of your being. It is my belief that, inasmuch as we must choose to love others, we must also choose to be loved.
Inasmuch as we must choose to love others, we must also choose to be loved. Well, that is a rather bold statement, don't you think? Perhaps this is how you feel. But please, pause and think about the statement. Do we not have to choose, every day of our lives, to love those God brings into our circle? You are not human if you haven't experienced, some point in time, the exasperation of trying to love someone deemed "unlovable," or if you haven't felt what it's like to just about not love someone anymore because they are "old news" . . . and then make your decision to love based on your feelings. All of us at some point have faced such situations.
My hope is that you choose to love. Love and love and love yet again. But turn that back on yourself. Do you accept love when it is offered to you from another? Do you truly accept and gladly receive the love they offer you, big or small, bold or subtle, instantaneous or gradual? Or do you wave it aside and move on as if you were never faced with the gift?
You can take it from someone who knows: giving your love over and over to someone who refuses to choose to be loved by you hurts. It hurts terribly. And it shouldn't ever, ever, I repeat ever have to be that way. Not if we all choose to walk in love and to not only give God's genuine love to others, but choose to be loved whether in return, or simply as a complete gift with no strings attached.
Please think on this today. Please think about the people in your life, those God has brought to you in one way or another. Which of those choose to be loved by you? Which are you choosing to be loved by? Love . . . and love again.
Showing posts with label loved ones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loved ones. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I have been away for far too long . . . long post to follow!
Hello dear friends,
I find it is time again for me to post . . . . something. It seems ironic to me that the times I feel most inspired are also (more often than I'd like) the times when I am not able to share my inspiration, whether because of time constraints, or other responsibilities. So I'm attempting a few moments here to catch and gather my thoughts again and see how I can share them. If I ramble some, please forgive me and know I'm happy to be back here!
I've been reading the posts of a couple of very, very good friends of mine. They inspire me to think more than most of us tend to think -- I think. That was way too many thinks! Anyhow, more deeply I should say. I have always enjoyed thinking deeply . . . . "profoundly." It's too much for some, I've gathered, through conversations in which I confess that I think "a lot" and "intensely" and they confess that they prefer not to think so much or so intensely. I don't mind their choice to think less, so long as it doesn't hurt them or endanger anyone else. But I'm not even referring to thinking as a means of protection, or of "common sense." I'm referring to thinking more as a means to understanding, enlightenment, musing. I like to think simply to think -- although once in a while, I wish I didn't think so much or so hard. :) Part of the package, I suppose.
Anyhow, I was thinking yesterday, yet again, of how life can take such a turn. For most, a turn for the best is always appreciated. But sometimes, it seems it takes a turn for the worst. People lose jobs, lose money, or worst of all, lose someone they love. It is one thing to lose someone you care about or at least, once cared about, through no fault of your own. Yet some people choose to "lose" a loved one through their own actions, their own spite, their own selfishness, their own greed. It is entirely possible to "lose" a person through means beside the death of the natural body. You can lose a person by choosing your own way all the time, by treating them in a rude and inconsiderate manner, by neglecting them, or even, most simply and yet profoundly, by never admitting you could be wrong, never saying "I'm sorry." I think it's a fact we all have been wrong at least once in our lifetime. I know I have been. And I've been at fault for not seeing the light and apologizing promptly and authentically.
But would I want to lose someone I love simply through pride and stubborness? Absolutely not. I seek every day to look inwardly, and to check the state of my heart and my attitude. Some days I feel I make leaps and bounds toward positive growth and positive state of mind, heart, and attitude. Some days, I feel like a rotten scoundrel that doesn't deserve to be loved. It's on those days that I have to gently and yet firmly remind myself, the truth is, not one person "deserves" to be loved. We have all trespassed against each other and, I believe, against God. If we were to love anyone -- including our own selves -- based upon how "good" or how "just" or how "compliant to man's rules" one is -- we would all sink before we'd swim. It's a fact.
All to say, next time someone does you wrong, speaks ill of you, offends you, neglects you, or outright abandons or betrays you . . . . hard as it is (and yes, it is VERY VERY hard), try to remember that you were once -- or will at sometime in your life be -- that same person. The one who didn't apologize, didn't forgive, didn't put themselves in the others' place, abandoned or betrayed the one who loved them so. And do all you can to forgive them. Forgive, yes forgive, even your own self. Learn and move on. Because forgiveness, my friends, albeit the most difficult thing to do sometimes, is the key to true healing. If you forgive, somehow, almost magically I suppose, the power of evil to control you or to harm you is suddenly deflected. You may still experience hurt at times. But you will not be controlled by those who harm you -- intentionally and unintentionally. And you will be free.
Have a blessed day!
I find it is time again for me to post . . . . something. It seems ironic to me that the times I feel most inspired are also (more often than I'd like) the times when I am not able to share my inspiration, whether because of time constraints, or other responsibilities. So I'm attempting a few moments here to catch and gather my thoughts again and see how I can share them. If I ramble some, please forgive me and know I'm happy to be back here!
I've been reading the posts of a couple of very, very good friends of mine. They inspire me to think more than most of us tend to think -- I think. That was way too many thinks! Anyhow, more deeply I should say. I have always enjoyed thinking deeply . . . . "profoundly." It's too much for some, I've gathered, through conversations in which I confess that I think "a lot" and "intensely" and they confess that they prefer not to think so much or so intensely. I don't mind their choice to think less, so long as it doesn't hurt them or endanger anyone else. But I'm not even referring to thinking as a means of protection, or of "common sense." I'm referring to thinking more as a means to understanding, enlightenment, musing. I like to think simply to think -- although once in a while, I wish I didn't think so much or so hard. :) Part of the package, I suppose.
Anyhow, I was thinking yesterday, yet again, of how life can take such a turn. For most, a turn for the best is always appreciated. But sometimes, it seems it takes a turn for the worst. People lose jobs, lose money, or worst of all, lose someone they love. It is one thing to lose someone you care about or at least, once cared about, through no fault of your own. Yet some people choose to "lose" a loved one through their own actions, their own spite, their own selfishness, their own greed. It is entirely possible to "lose" a person through means beside the death of the natural body. You can lose a person by choosing your own way all the time, by treating them in a rude and inconsiderate manner, by neglecting them, or even, most simply and yet profoundly, by never admitting you could be wrong, never saying "I'm sorry." I think it's a fact we all have been wrong at least once in our lifetime. I know I have been. And I've been at fault for not seeing the light and apologizing promptly and authentically.
But would I want to lose someone I love simply through pride and stubborness? Absolutely not. I seek every day to look inwardly, and to check the state of my heart and my attitude. Some days I feel I make leaps and bounds toward positive growth and positive state of mind, heart, and attitude. Some days, I feel like a rotten scoundrel that doesn't deserve to be loved. It's on those days that I have to gently and yet firmly remind myself, the truth is, not one person "deserves" to be loved. We have all trespassed against each other and, I believe, against God. If we were to love anyone -- including our own selves -- based upon how "good" or how "just" or how "compliant to man's rules" one is -- we would all sink before we'd swim. It's a fact.
All to say, next time someone does you wrong, speaks ill of you, offends you, neglects you, or outright abandons or betrays you . . . . hard as it is (and yes, it is VERY VERY hard), try to remember that you were once -- or will at sometime in your life be -- that same person. The one who didn't apologize, didn't forgive, didn't put themselves in the others' place, abandoned or betrayed the one who loved them so. And do all you can to forgive them. Forgive, yes forgive, even your own self. Learn and move on. Because forgiveness, my friends, albeit the most difficult thing to do sometimes, is the key to true healing. If you forgive, somehow, almost magically I suppose, the power of evil to control you or to harm you is suddenly deflected. You may still experience hurt at times. But you will not be controlled by those who harm you -- intentionally and unintentionally. And you will be free.
Have a blessed day!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
It's only been FOREVER :-)
Hello friends!
You probably thought I just up and disappeared from the blogging world. Well, I have news for you that I hope you consider GOOD news . . . WRONG! I did disappear for a little while, but I am BACK! I may not be able to blog as often as I'd like to, but hey, better late and little than never and nothing! :-)
So, we are in the dead-heat of summer. And I don't like it. I admit. About the only things I like about summer are these I can count on one hand: swimming, Independence Day, and (usually) a break from school! But, I'm hoping that summer will not be too treacherous and that autumn will roll around before we know it . . . .because autumn is my favorite time of year followed by spring!
I have been busy with "life" in general. So many changes, so little time. Some good, some bad. But overall, I still try to maintain a positive attitude and count my blessings. I am going to the gym. That's a positive. I am testing new recipes (I like to cook and bake, I don't love the cleaning-up part, but it's ok, it's life!) and mostly all of them are super yummy. That's a positive. I am reading good books. That's definitely a positive. (maybe I should post a couple informal but fun reviews of the books I've read on here sometime?) I'm enriching friendships and relationships with those people I can get to know better, and with whom I can share this journey called life. That's a major positive!
What have you been up to? Are you counting the positives in your life? I know sometimes, it's hard to do. I've been there a lot. Especially recently. But I've found that counting the little blessings, and the bigger ones, helps me to keep a proper perspective. It helps me face each day and end each day with a little song of hope in my heart. To keep on keeping on. And I think we could all use that hope and endurance at one point or another!
Hoping you find your life FULL of positives!!!!! :-) Talk to you later!
You probably thought I just up and disappeared from the blogging world. Well, I have news for you that I hope you consider GOOD news . . . WRONG! I did disappear for a little while, but I am BACK! I may not be able to blog as often as I'd like to, but hey, better late and little than never and nothing! :-)
So, we are in the dead-heat of summer. And I don't like it. I admit. About the only things I like about summer are these I can count on one hand: swimming, Independence Day, and (usually) a break from school! But, I'm hoping that summer will not be too treacherous and that autumn will roll around before we know it . . . .because autumn is my favorite time of year followed by spring!
I have been busy with "life" in general. So many changes, so little time. Some good, some bad. But overall, I still try to maintain a positive attitude and count my blessings. I am going to the gym. That's a positive. I am testing new recipes (I like to cook and bake, I don't love the cleaning-up part, but it's ok, it's life!) and mostly all of them are super yummy. That's a positive. I am reading good books. That's definitely a positive. (maybe I should post a couple informal but fun reviews of the books I've read on here sometime?) I'm enriching friendships and relationships with those people I can get to know better, and with whom I can share this journey called life. That's a major positive!
What have you been up to? Are you counting the positives in your life? I know sometimes, it's hard to do. I've been there a lot. Especially recently. But I've found that counting the little blessings, and the bigger ones, helps me to keep a proper perspective. It helps me face each day and end each day with a little song of hope in my heart. To keep on keeping on. And I think we could all use that hope and endurance at one point or another!
Hoping you find your life FULL of positives!!!!! :-) Talk to you later!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sometimes Life Throws You for a Loop . . . .
Hello fellow bloggers and blog-followers! Okay, forgive me if I'm totally "out-there" in how I write or salute anyone who just might dare to read this blog someday.....you must understand, I am VERY new at this. LOL
So, in the past week I've had my share of challenges, confusion, heartache, frustration, pain, and even some depression. Am I writing this to make you feel sorry for me? That could be part of it. Most of us savor sympathy. Hey, it pays to be honest, right? Although I must say, often times, honesty really hurts.
Anyhow, like I said, the past week has been filled with trials. Some new. Right now, while I'm very happy with where I am in my fitness/exercise goals (I'm still working on bettering my diet but the time at the gym is above par!), I am not so thrilled with where I find myself in a couple other areas. I say "find" myself, because honestly, I don't know exactly how I got there. And I don't think a lot of it's fair. And I don't think people I love should try to "manipulate" me or my feelings/responses/behavior by treating me in a not-so-loving-fashion. Life's not fair. I know. How many times has that been proffered to me and COMPLETELY set me off?
Here's how it stands right now . . . . I am doing great in my time spent alone (time reading, pausing to think and be quiet), time spent working out, time talking and trying to reconnect with a couple of girl friends and I tried to reconnect with my family . . . . and guess what. It's NOT working. The only thing I can ascertain (because at this moment one for sure and perhaps two of them are just NOT on speaking terms with me, their choice) is that they finally decided they were "fed up" with me for whatever various reasons they may have, and so now they are attempting (whether or not they even realize they are doing this is a moot point) to manipulate me into crawling my way back into their lives and their good favor or something like that. And I'm just not willing to do that when I've repeatedly stated the truth about myself, my actions, my words, my intentions and I've even apologized and said I was/am working on actively doing better in all areas of my life. Because why should I have to crawl along like some lowly snake in the grass? That's not fair to me. And it's not healthy for our relationship(s).
Has anyone been here before? Surely others have. I haven't faced it in this severity or manner before in my life from those I love most. And what really stings, is that I am pretty much in the dark for their reasoning behind treating me like this so severely, unkindly, and inconsiderately. Seriously!!! I honestly am not sure what to do beside whatever I have been doing and am doing now . . . . spending time alone, reading and writing out my thoughts/anxieties/hurts through journalling, working out to relieve stress and increase feel-good hormones, working on my areas I was working on before, trying to get into contact with a good friend or two that I can simply talk with in the absence of the fear of "saying the wrong thing" or "being my usual awful self" that everyone seems to think I am right now . . . . and just not saying anything to those who are choosing to shut me out and not communicate. Because I've tried communicating in a humble, honest, vulnerable and kind way and they shunned me. I honestly don't know what else I can do beside just let them go and wait for them to come back around.
This all cuts to the heart of me and that's no exaggeration. It's plain awful. And confusing. I'm just praying things will improve quickly and I will not contribute to the situation worsening and I'm hoping I'll grow somehow through all of this.
Anyway, I vented now. Maybe, if you're in a similar situation or you are going to be in the near future, this post will somehow help you. I hope so. Have a good day . . . . I'm going to try to make mine as good as I can, starting with making it just bearable.
So, in the past week I've had my share of challenges, confusion, heartache, frustration, pain, and even some depression. Am I writing this to make you feel sorry for me? That could be part of it. Most of us savor sympathy. Hey, it pays to be honest, right? Although I must say, often times, honesty really hurts.
Anyhow, like I said, the past week has been filled with trials. Some new. Right now, while I'm very happy with where I am in my fitness/exercise goals (I'm still working on bettering my diet but the time at the gym is above par!), I am not so thrilled with where I find myself in a couple other areas. I say "find" myself, because honestly, I don't know exactly how I got there. And I don't think a lot of it's fair. And I don't think people I love should try to "manipulate" me or my feelings/responses/behavior by treating me in a not-so-loving-fashion. Life's not fair. I know. How many times has that been proffered to me and COMPLETELY set me off?
Here's how it stands right now . . . . I am doing great in my time spent alone (time reading, pausing to think and be quiet), time spent working out, time talking and trying to reconnect with a couple of girl friends and I tried to reconnect with my family . . . . and guess what. It's NOT working. The only thing I can ascertain (because at this moment one for sure and perhaps two of them are just NOT on speaking terms with me, their choice) is that they finally decided they were "fed up" with me for whatever various reasons they may have, and so now they are attempting (whether or not they even realize they are doing this is a moot point) to manipulate me into crawling my way back into their lives and their good favor or something like that. And I'm just not willing to do that when I've repeatedly stated the truth about myself, my actions, my words, my intentions and I've even apologized and said I was/am working on actively doing better in all areas of my life. Because why should I have to crawl along like some lowly snake in the grass? That's not fair to me. And it's not healthy for our relationship(s).
Has anyone been here before? Surely others have. I haven't faced it in this severity or manner before in my life from those I love most. And what really stings, is that I am pretty much in the dark for their reasoning behind treating me like this so severely, unkindly, and inconsiderately. Seriously!!! I honestly am not sure what to do beside whatever I have been doing and am doing now . . . . spending time alone, reading and writing out my thoughts/anxieties/hurts through journalling, working out to relieve stress and increase feel-good hormones, working on my areas I was working on before, trying to get into contact with a good friend or two that I can simply talk with in the absence of the fear of "saying the wrong thing" or "being my usual awful self" that everyone seems to think I am right now . . . . and just not saying anything to those who are choosing to shut me out and not communicate. Because I've tried communicating in a humble, honest, vulnerable and kind way and they shunned me. I honestly don't know what else I can do beside just let them go and wait for them to come back around.
This all cuts to the heart of me and that's no exaggeration. It's plain awful. And confusing. I'm just praying things will improve quickly and I will not contribute to the situation worsening and I'm hoping I'll grow somehow through all of this.
Anyway, I vented now. Maybe, if you're in a similar situation or you are going to be in the near future, this post will somehow help you. I hope so. Have a good day . . . . I'm going to try to make mine as good as I can, starting with making it just bearable.
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